Sunday, February 26, 2012
So this past week I have been getting ready to see people from my grandparents and my parents past. People who I have met before, and some who are but faces to the stories I have heard so much about (Ok, a bit of a exaggeration there.) But none the less!
People who are close to my family.
In light of the fact that I would be seeing people I have and have not met before and would be looking on my family and I with a skeptical eye. I thought it best to go out and buy a dress. Alright, if you must know it just gave me an excuse to buy a pretty dress.
So now, in a pretty dress and uncomfortable but cute shoes, we are there. Familiar faces, but must unfamiliar standing around talking to each. Thankful I dressed up instead of down...usually the only way the zipper goes. Like most people do, I headed toward the people I know, who were surrounded by people I don't know. Its in these moments when meeting people who have heard about you and where you live and who your parents are, you can feel the "once over". Thankful that I had picked out the dress for this very reason.
Although, even though you may be in something nice or pretty. You still wonder about other things, such as whether or not if you remembered to brush your teeth (check), wash face (check), make sure you smell okay (Check..I think) and with us girls, whether or not your clothes are fitting right. Because I can tell you right now, you can walk out that door thinking "Whoo, I look good." but the minute you get there and are talking to people and looking at their own outfits. You start to wonder whether or not you really look as good as you thought when you walked out that door.
Of course as you're standing there waiting or talking to someone and your feet start to kill you. All you want is to just sit down, but then you think, "Would that crumple or bunch up the fabric and make me look bad?". So you stand there and suffer, like EVERYBODY else.
Yes, you might think you are the only one self-conscious at this moment, but trust me, everybody else in that room is just as uncomfortable as you are. No really, the next time you are at a big gathering with people you really don't know and nice clothes are involved and...water and...cookies and...coffee. Stop and look at everybody around you and watch their body language, you'll get a kick out of it I'm sure.
Why do we torture ourselves with it then? Is it really all just to impress the people around us? Perhaps to some it is, who knows. I am sad to say that I probably won't get that dress out of my closet for another year or so. Oh, and speaking of clothes. I was told one of the most hilarious quotes the other day that fit me way too perfectly. "My room was clean, until I had to find something to wear-Author Unknown" For those of you who know me, my closet looked like Thing 1 and Thing 2 had turned my closet into a play pit.
So maybe at the next function, we can all learn to be a little more relaxed...or not.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Look at it with concealed eyes.
View it with misconstrued thoughts.
Forget the depth to each line.
Turn away too soon.
Before knowing whats beneath.
Don’t try and search for a meaning.
Pass over each image.
Not givng it but a glance.
Leave before you see the end.
Lock up every emotion inside.
Seek not the mystery inside.
Leaving the mind unstrained.
Blind to the array of light about.
Unseeing the brilliance.
The beauty being covered.
We believe a lie.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
So tonight, at 7pm central time...I am going on a date with my dad. I know, I know..it sounds a bit weird, but I am really looking forward to it. I can't remember the last time just my dad and I went out to do something together for the fun of it. Ok, maybe it won't be as fun for him as it will be for me, BUT! I'm still happy. We are going to see a screening of the new Titanic 3D that comes out in theatres, April 6th. My mom got two free tickets for us to go to the screening of the movie. So mom decided it would be better if dad took me to see the movie, since she has a phobia of drowning (aka. Aquaphobia). Since we were going to go out to see the movie, we decided we'd go out to eat at iHop so mom doesn't have to cook for us when we get home...after 11pm tonight, hehe. I didn't realize the movie was 3 hours long.
Anyway, I know that it is valentines day and it seems weird to go out to a movie with your dad, but since we don't keep it, what does it matter, eh? I'm sure he is not looking forward to the crowds, the wait, movie or the late night, but he is extremely sweet for taking me anyway. Oh yeah, did I mention we have to be there early, because they give out more tickets then there are seats?? HA! Yeah I know, insane huh? So we have to wait outside for a half an hour in the cold...my dad is SO not going to love me by the end of the night.
It will be great to spend an evening with just the two of us hanging out though. What has been really nice too, is since the boys have left the nest, its just been just my parents and I. Dad and I have been talking a lot and hanging out more. Mom and I always hang out 24/7 so I'm sure enjoys the break of me shutting up and talking to dad instead of her. HAHA...they still love me...somehow.
Well, I'll give ya'll an update later how my night went, maybe I'll write a movie review on Decent Movies R Us, for a friend of a friend.
Yah bless you all and take care!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I'm sure for most of you probably never thought 2012 would really come so soon. Sure we all knew it was inevitable, because as much as we might not like it, time does move forward. All the buzz over 2012 being the end of the world and how we would never see beyond this year. Has anyone noticed how much that conspiracy has quieted down over the past year? Its almost as if we've finally made it "to the end", and no one wants to face the facts of whether this might really be their last year or not. Not that I by any means believe this year is the end of the world, I just find it slightly curious is all. I remember now, what seems like ages ago now. Back in 2000 when everyone believed it was going to be the end of the world. Now here we are yet again, at the "end of the world" and I just wonder how long its going to be before people stop putting a date on when the world is going to end. Again, I'm not saying I don't believe the end might be near, but I'm not going to stop living my life on the assumption that my life might end this year.
When do we stop fearing every bend in the road, and start fearing whats truly the most important? When will we realize that whether or not we're right in Yahuwah's eyes is the only thing that truly matters. Ya know, we can run around, stocking up and "preparing" for something that "might" happen, or we can prepare for what matters the most, Our hearts. Not that I want to "preach to the choir", because I know most of you who will read this already agree with what I am saying, but for those of you who don't, this is the time to prepare your hearts for Yah. In the end, that is the ONLY thing that will save you.
Maybe this year isn't the end of the world, maybe its the next or maybe even 10 years from now, who knows. You know what though, not everyone has the luxury of being able to say "I have 10 more years". Some people have 10, some 5 and some have even less. No matter when "The End" is, our end could come even sooner then that. The only thing that should be immanent in our lives is not the end of the world, It should be us preparing for Yahuwah's Day.
I can sit here and rant about the conspiracies floating around in the air. Some of them I agree with, others well...not so much. The world is a corrupt place of that I am %100 sure, but there is good, in a few people and when I say few, I mean a very few. Maybe someday I can be one of those people that are considered "good", until then though, I'm going to fight for that right to be considered good.
There is still beauty in this world, I say we find it and hold onto it. Yah's creation is something to be in awe of. He is our master architect and the creator behind this all. He is the sunshine behind every gray cloud, the beat of the birds wings as they sour above and he is in every child's beautiful smile.
Friday, February 3, 2012
I know it seems like forever since I've really posted anything, besides parts to my book and such of course. More meaningful things, ya know? Like me ranting about the topic of the day. I've come to find in going over my older posts how much life has changed in just a short amount of time. One minute you have life all mapped out then they somehow get changed. I always found it somewhat humorous how people make plans for the future, like they can actually plan life's little twists and turns. I know I've come to the realization that nothing can be put in stone, life will always be ever changing.
I think more then anything, I have come to realize, time has of course aged me. Obviously not in looks, I think I'll be 80 and still like 16 ...hehe...Just kidding. What I mean, in the sense of wants and hopes and in thoughts as well. Not by any means I'm "all grow'd up" ( =P ) or anything. Just that I find the things I use to enjoy, have simply become, non-important I guess you could say. Like reading and writing for instance. I think I figured out why I lost my ability to really write anymore.
I found that I had so many pent up emotions and turmoil inside of my I was fighting against. I was fighting against life and family and even myself. So with all those pent up emotions I was only able to release them through poetry. When I say time has aged me, I guess what I mean is that. I've worked through all those emotions, I've given up fighting against the tide and I ended up finding peace. Unfortunately, with that peace...I can't find it in me to write a good poem. So to those of you who might have hoped I'd start writing again, I'm sorry...Perhaps Yah will grant me with it again in the near future, but with the peace too.
In most aspects I am still the same ol' me that will always be, in other ways though, I have changed. I came to also realize, as we get older, our hopes and aspirations in life are bound to change. Who knows what we'll want in 5 years time? Who knows what Yah will have us doing then, eh? I pray though, that as life keeps changes us, we can keep the joy in our lives. To hold onto the things that make us smile and laugh.
I hope I didn't bore you all too much with my changing speech.
Pray you are all well and Blessed, Shalom!